You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Barsexuality is the new black.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Randomize
