im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
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