they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
