I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
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