God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize