the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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