Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
