you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
