as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
this will be a night to untag.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
