i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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