I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
