I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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