she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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