i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Randomize
