No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Randomize
