you guys were way drunker than both of me
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
