I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
