Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
