I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I just forgot I was standing up.
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