I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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