I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
