Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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