I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Randomize
