worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
