I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize