I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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