This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
