I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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