The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize