Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
