So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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