His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize