2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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