And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
