the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Randomize
