Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
