I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Randomize
