she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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