I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
