do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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