I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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