when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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