You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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