Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
