do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
