is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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