I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize