Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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