why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
