I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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