awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
