I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
