2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
