Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
