I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
