at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
