hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
