I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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