This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
