allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
